


A Dastardly Cold

by sarahgirl1998



Category: Wacky Races
Genre: Comedy, Common Cold, Gen, Humor, Illnesses, Sick Character, Sickfic, Sneezing, Unofficial Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-18 07:04:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13094919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahgirl1998/pseuds/sarahgirl1998
Summary: This takes place after the events of The Ski Resort Road Race episode.





	A Dastardly Cold

Dastardly sat up in his bed, wrapped in his blanket and shivering uncontrollably. His throat felt sore, his eyes felt heavy, and his nose was a bright red. He sniffled congestedly and rubbed his nose in his blanket. He really wasn’t feeling so good.

The last race, which began at Mush-Mush, Michigan and ended at Iceandsnow, Idaho, had just finished. Once again, Dick Dastardly had tried to sabotage his way to victory with his sidekick, Muttley. This time, however, after being partially frozen from the upper body down on account of falling into ice cold water, Dastardly had come down with a cold. He hadn’t even stopped sneezing since he had thawed out at the end of the race.

“Haaaaah... AaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHH--“ Dastardly suddenly tilted his neck back, his nose twitching and nostrils flaring. “CHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

Dastardly shot his neck forwards as he released a large, loud sneeze. It was enough to release a small amount of spray from his mouth. A moment later, Dastardly tilted his neck back to its normal position and sniffled. His nose was feeling slightly runny.

He reached over to his tissue box, pulled out a tissue, then held it over his nose and blew loudly.  
Whatever loose mucus might have been in his nose, it was expelled, but his nose was still feeling stuffed up.

“Ugh...” Dastardly pulled the tissue away from his nose, balled up the used tissue and threw it at the trash can. “This gosh-dard code!”

As if hearing his complaining, Muttley poked his head into the bedroom, then walked in. He went up to Dastardly and placed his paw on his forehead. He was running a slight fever.

“Oh, Buttley, I feel awful. Absolutely awful,” Dastardly said, sounding almost depressed. He wasn’t feeling well enough to truly express his frustration. “This is the worst code I’ve ever had...”

Dastardly tilted his neck back and sniffled, but his nose started to twitch, and his nostrils flared up. He needed to sneeze again, but he knew that was going to happen, so he just braced himself for it.

“Aaaah...” Dastardly quickly grabbed another tissue from his tissue box and turned his head away from Muttley. He didn’t manage to see him backing up and covering his ears with his paws. “HaaaaaaaaaAAAH...” Tilting his neck back slightly, Dastardly hastily covered his nose with his tissue. He hoped that he could at least cover the upcoming sneeze.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-- CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

The entire room shook for a few seconds as Dastardly shot his neck forwards, sneezing loudly into his tissue. Muttley’s eyes were wide with shock as his body vibrated with the force of the sneeze. After it had passed, Dastardly blew his nose into the tissue that he had already sneezed into.

“Gesundheit,” Muttley told him.

Ignoring his blessing, Dastardly simply sniffled and wiped his nose repeatedly with his tissue.

“Haved’t I had edough bisfortude for wud day?” Dastardly inhaled sharply through his nose, trying to clear his nasal passages, but it didn’t work. “First I lose adother race, agaid, ad dow I have a code!”

He balled his tissue up and threw it at the trash can, missing by just a couple of inches. Muttley saw this happen and placed his paw over his mouth, snickering. Dastardly then lay back down in bed, groaning in discomfort.

“How could this code get ady worse...?” Just as he finished wondering that, he coughed loudly and hoarsely for a few seconds. When he finished, he groaned again. He saw that Muttley was looking slightly concerned for him, but he didn’t believe he was.

“Buttley, would you do be a favor ad bake be sobe soup?”

Muttley nodded obediently and started to walk out of the room. But before he could, Dastardly stopped him.

“Ad go easy od the pepper this tibe,” said Dastardly. Just mentioning pepper made his nose tickle slightly, so he sniffled. “Udless you wadt be to sdeeze eved bore thad I ab dow...”

Muttley snickered in response, but then walked out of the room. He went to the kitchen to fix his master some soup. Meanwhile, Dastardly stayed in his bed, his nose continuing to twitch. Another sneeze was about to strike.

“Aaaaah...” Dastardly sniffled and rubbed his nose a few times, but there was nothing he could do to prevent the sneeze from coming. “HaaaaaaAAAH...” He tilted his neck back as he pulled his hand away from his nose. He didn’t have the time to grab a tissue, since he was already too far into the sneeze. He took one last sharp sniff, thinking it would satisfy his nose, but the sudden rush of air he took in tickled his sinuses. His schnoz quivered and rumbled furiously, his nostrils flaring up to at least twice their normal size. He tilted his neck as far back as he could, giving a climactically loud inhale.

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

A massive amount of saliva was expelled from Dastardly’s mouth as he shot his neck forwards. The floor shook for several seconds on end, causing some small objects to move to different places than they were. But that one sneeze wasn’t enough relief for Dastardly’s poor nose. His nose continued to twitch and tickle before he exploded with a monstrous triple.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-CHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Aaaaaaah... AaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-TSSSSSSHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Dastardly’s third sneeze was clearly more wet-sounding than the other two sneezes. In fact, besides being enough to expel great amounts of spit from his mouth, it was enough to fire a good amount of mucus from his reddened nose. On the plus side, however, it was at least the right amount of relief for him to stop sneezing.

Dastardly recovered from his triple-sneeze, but mucus was dripping out of both of his nostrils. He sniffled loudly and rubbed his nose with his forefinger, but the latter action proved to be a mistake. The mucus from his nose got onto his finger, to his disgust.

“Oh, drat...” Dastardly muttered to himself as he pulled his finger away from his nose.

Reaching over to the tissue box, he pulled out about three sheets of tissue and blew his nose hard into them. Some of the mucus was cleared from his nose, but some still remained, to his annoyance. Not bothering to complain, however, Dastardly sniffled and wiped his nose with the tissues. He then wiped the mucus off his forefinger with the tissues, and finally threw them into the trash can.

Dastardly lay back down in bed, sniffling constantly. He had never felt this miserable in his life, not even after all of the races he had lost.

“I just cad’t get a break around here...” he muttered as he sniffled.


End file.
